This is probably my favorite short (short) piece. I'm glad I'm too busy now to feel much need to seal myself up in that old vegetable cocoon (unless the Netflix addiction counts).
More high school creative writing. Our assignments weren't too imaginative; the requirement for this essay was to describe a common object. Sound familiar? There was a slight twist: only four senses were allowed, vision excluded. I was reading a lot of Douglas Adams at the time, and I think some of his style crept in quite a bit.
The idea was to have the rest of the class figure out what your object was. I remember one of my classmates pointing out with considerable self-satisfaction that we weren't supposed to give away the object with the title. Like I'm that stupid (though I admittedly didn't seem to quite grasp the concept of a legume).
I think it's a little strange that as PC as modern America has become, I could still feel like I have to defend a lifestyle choice. As many great answers as there are to the question about why I don't drink, none of them are quite good enough to escape the social awkwardness with wit, charm, or levity. People think it's a harmless question (as it should be), but still every time it's asked someone ends up regretting it. Amazingly, they often forget they even asked it, continuing to offer me drinks. I wonder why that is.
Here's a vision of the prevailing social norm, on a campus that was almost half Greek.
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