We now interrupt this program for questions from the audience. By now you've probably wondered why everything's in grayscale. Well, I'll give you plenty of choices and you just choose the one that satisfies. Let's start with the Rules of Accessibility. Maybe you have more rods than cones, or your cones don't work quite right at all. Well, don't feel left out this time, you're seeing these pages exactly as everyone else sees them. As an added benefit, grayscale leads to small file sizes, which makes these pages load almost as quickly whether your modem is connected to the phone line or the cable line. Unfortunately, that may still be slow as hell since my server seems to be running Special Olympic trial times.
How about this one: most of my art is charcoal or pencil. Since so much of this site is designed around my art, something had to bend. It's much easier to tailor HTML to grayscale than it is to colorize years of grayscale art. When I do get around to using color, it's usually still dealing with shades of the same, unless I'm applying it arbitrarily to various geometries. If you think it looks like the work of a fifth-grader, you're close.
Unless you really know what you're doing, color is hard. It's rare to see anyone pull off more than a few colors on a given site and still have everything get along. I'm sure you've seen a personal site or a few that had some trouble getting colors to match. Since I use original content almost exclusively, I'd have to learn how to do color in a hurry if I wanted to keep a healthy proportion of images. Rather than choose a color (which may not agree with everyone's sense of taste) and use different shades, I'll just let you decide on your own color. Tweak the tint on your monitor (or use your preferred method of altered perception) and cast my pages in the hue of your choice.
Now that we've addressed the color issue, let's move on to the question of the Spud. So far you might have thought that it means I'm just a couch potato. I had digital cable for the first month I was in my last apartment, and the only two shows I watched were Seinfeld (for fifteen minutes waiting for my car to show up) and The Simpsons (I think I caught the last ten minutes of an episode, waiting for Kim to find her way off the parkway). That was forty bucks well spent. Maybe this modern combination of laptop, wireless, and the Internet breeds a new kind of couch potato. But i'm definitely not shaped like Mr. Potato Head, either. i'm a lot more like a French fry.
You could probably go on guessing until it bored us both, and you still wouldn't hit the connection. Even people that know it was my pledge name usually don't see it. Apparently during my sophomore year in college with my buzzed haircut and overworked crew metabolism, I looked a little something like a certain heroin addict. Not exactly flattering, but then I'd rather be skinny than look like a potato. And it sure beats being called 'menarche.' Why? Why not?
Maybe now that you know I'm a frat boy, you've conjured all your accumulated imagery and plastered it all over me. I like keeping the pictures at the end of this section; it makes for a much more violent shattering of perceptions. The original incarnation of this site was born the spring break after that fall pledge. Some of this content is still that old. But really, what better appellation for a virtual presence than an arbitrary name assigned under unpredictable circumstances? Score one point against the identity thieves. Oh, did you want to know about the domain name, too?
Let's come back from the kitchen, we've had ourselves a snack.